fic I Saw Buffy Killing Santa Claus (Pt 4)

Title: I Saw Buffy Killing Santa Claus Pt 4
Rating: PG
Summary: Spike gets dragged into the spirit of the holidays kicking and screaming, but is Santa all he seems? A bit of a comedic piece of fluff.
Setting: Season 5, Two days after “Listening to Fear” aired. That was the episode where Joyce was in the hospital and Ben summoned the Queller demon to deal with all the crazy people Glory was creating.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, ME, WB, Fox are the sole owners of all involved with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Thanks to Joss he allows us to play in his sandbox. I derive no compensation for these flights of fancy. The story concept is my “creation” as is all dialogue not in any original story script.

~*~
“Yo, Levinson! Your girlfriend wants to see you on your break,” the head elf barked to Jonathan.

“Girlfriend?” Jonathan looked over where his boss was pointing to see Buffy waving at him from the fence. “Oh, yeah, girlfriend. Yup, that’s Buffy. Kind of bossy but makes up for it in other ways.” He blanched as he saw that Buffy had been able to hear his remark.

His boss caught the unspoken bitch out on Buffy’s face and chuckled at the comeuppance his short employee was likely to receive for his comments. “Oh, man, has she got you whipped! Go on, it’s only five minutes early. Take the break now, but I want you back here on candy cane duty in fifteen minutes, not one minute late even if your girl does cut you to ribbons!”

Jonathan pulled the offensive pointed cap off his head as he headed toward Buffy and Spike. “Sorry about that, Buffy. I just kinda liked him thinking I could get a girl like you for a girlfriend. I didn’t mean any insult.”

Spike muttered, “Take a number, mate,” and received a dirty look from Buffy.

“Never mind, Jonathan. It’s okay. I don’t care what some middle-aged guy in an elf suit thinks about me anyway!’ Jonathan looked relieved to hear her reaction to his artless remarks. “Willow said you were in her magic club in high school. Do you still do any magic?”

“Some. I’m not nearly as talented as Willow or Michael though. They were the best. If you need some magic done, Willow would be your best bet,” Jonathan suggested.

“Well, we know that!” Spike had an edge of exasperation in his voice. “Wouldn’t be asking you if Red were around, now would we?”

Jonathan cringed a bit at the vampire’s snark and turned to Buffy, “I’d be honored to help if I can.”

“We need a spell done to see if Santa is a Wheatabix demon. We kinda need to know right away too, ‘cause if he is one, then he’s eating the kids and that is just SO not Christmasy.” Buffy looked at Jonathan with pleading eyes no man could resist.

“Sure, I could do that. Well I don’t know if I could be specific about the kind of demon, but I could do one to be sure he is a demon of some kind.” Jonathan began to think about what supplies he’d need and where they could get them.

After a bit of discussion, it was decided that Buffy and Spike would gather the supplies needed at the Magic Box, confer with Anya about Mimblix demons and making a spell more specific then meet Jonathan during his lunch break at 1 p.m.

~~~

“Well, of course they live in the Falklands.” Anya’s eyes lit up at the mention of the Claus family when Buffy asked about Spike’s outlandish tale. “About fifty miles outside of Port Howard on the western island…unless they’ve moved. Talvi always made the best cloudberry tarts! It was after they got married that Nick started packing on the pounds; before that, he was really sort of buff. I haven’t seen them since Nicky got all huffy at the way ‘his’ holiday became too commercialized and packed up his toys and dwarfs and retired.”

Spike’s expression clearly shouted, ‘I told you so,’ but he was smart enough not to say it aloud.

“Buffy, are you here to purchase anything from my inventory or just to waste the valuable time of a hardworking shopkeeper during this busy time of the year?” Anya had noticed a small line at the cash register. Her seasonal help was trying to keep up, but with so many holidays falling in the same time period, the store was doing a booming business.

“We’re here as customers, demon girl. Don’t get your knickers in a twist,” Spike offered.

At the thought of another sale, Anya visibly relaxed a bit. “Oh, in that case, welcome to the Magic Box, how can we help you?”

“Need a bit of information, some spell refining and supplies.” Spike got to the point right away.

“What sort? You will need to be more specific. We cater to all kinds of magic here and that request is far too vague for me to work with, Spike.”

Buffy decided to take over the request department. “We think the mall Santa may be a demon.” Anya was clearly not phased by the information.

“Demons have to be employed in some way, Buffy. They don’t all just hunt and live in hovels. You will be paying for this, right? This isn’t going to be one of those ‘it’s Slayer business, Giles will sign for it’ sort of transactions, is it?” Anya was beginning to wish she had been less welcoming to the duo.

“Yes, we’ll pay.” Buffy didn’t want to waste time arguing the issue and Giles would pay her back later. “Spike thinks he’s a Mumbling demon.” Buffy could tell from the look on Anya’s face that she was unfamiliar with the species.

“That’s Mimblix, pet,” Spike corrected and Anya’s face brightened in understanding.

“Oh, that would be bad. They really shouldn’t work that closely with human children. They don’t usually come this far north. I’m surprised.” Anya looked vaguely interested in this nugget of information.

“I want to be sure before I get rid of him. Like you said, he could just be some harmless demon making a bit of money during the holidays. I have a friend who can do spell casting, but we kinda want it to be more specific to be sure it’s one of those Netflix guys. Can you help us out?” Buffy looked at the former demon in hopes of a positive answer.

Anya was mentally doing an inventory of the items she had on hand that might fill her customers’ needs, finally smiling in contentment as she hit on the correct items. “Naturally, we can help. The Magic Box is a full service metaphysical supplier, after all. You can’t find a better source for all your spell casting needs,” she said proudly. “Wait here, I’ll get what you’ll need. I think I even know a perfect spell that I can copy out of the book for you, unless you want to purchase the entire book. The copy will cost you one dollar, but the book would be $29.95. The book WOULD make a lovely gift for Willow for Christmas though, so you might want to consider it.”

“We’ll just take the copy for now, but I may come back later for the book.” Buffy had seen Anya’s face fall at the $28.95 difference in sale price and wanted to regain her willing support with the hint of future purchases.

“The sale price may go up before you come back, Buffy. I’d think about buying the book now if I were you,” Anya tempted. “Believe me, Willow would just love this book; it’s filled with lots of tried and true spells and rituals.”

“Okay, sold,” said an impatient Spike. “I’ll give the bloody thing to the witches if it’ll move this along.”

“You are a good friend, Spike.” Anya positively glowed at the easy sale. “Perhaps you would care to see a selection for Tara’s gift as well?” Anya stopped her attempts at getting any further sale out of Spike when she saw his glower. She decided to get back to a sure sale. “I’ll write out the change and mark the place for the spell you’ll need. I suppose you want all the supplies it’ll take too. I’m afraid the incense isn’t a sale item, Buffy, but the candles are. No refunds or exchanges on sale items though.”

“Whatever. Just get the soddin’ things and let us get back to Santa’s village before he eats half the third grade.” Spike was getting antsy with all the humans milling about the shop. He’d already been around more people than any chipped vamp should ever have to be at any one time. He wanted this over with so he could take his bags, pick up some pigs’ blood and go home to his comfy crypt. He wouldn’t turn down a foot massage either but knew not to push his luck with Buffy.

Twenty minutes and $78.52 later Buffy and Spike exited the Magic Box to the sounds of Anya’s cheery, “Thank you for shopping at the Magic Box. Do come again.” They quickly headed back to the Sunnydale mall and their meeting with Jonathan.
~~~

Entry originally from http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/47348.html